Liar
by PearlM21
Summary: A look behind the front Grell puts up. (Vaguely alluding to some manga only things)


I own nothing except for my own ideas.

A look behind the front Grell puts up. (Vaguely alluding to some manga only things)

Liar

I'm walking through a wooded area. It's fairly relaxing. I sit for a while by a river and listen to my surroundings. I look for a moment at my reflection in the previously mentioned river, but it's unsettling to me for some reason. I decide to just get up and keep walking for a while. I get to a house and enter, however what looked like a nice house from the outside was completely vacant on the inside. All that was left was a giant mirror in the middle with shattered glass all around. I look at my reflection in it. Everything seemed normal at first, but then the reflection changed from what I actually had on to me wearing one of those older robes people think grim reapers actually wear. The change felt somewhat unsettling. It was even more unsettling still when the reflection smirked at me; an expression I myself did not make.

Then, it spoke.

"Checking ourselves out in the mirror, are we? What a surprise."

I don't give any response aside from a mildly perturbed expression. The mocking chuckle it gives in response starts to test my patience, though.

"What's the matter? No cleaver response to give? How disappointing. Don't you always have something to say, given how much better you are than everyone?"

"Why don't you just shut up and do what I do like a reflection actually should," I snap back.

"You shut me up too much. That's your problem. Also you're the last one you should ever talk about one doing what they should."

"This is absurd." I turn to leave, but the mirror somehow ended up right in front of my face. I give a mild startled response. When it gives another mocking laugh, I produce a growl through my griddled, exposed sharp teeth.

"Oh? Trying to intimidate me now? That might work on loads of other people, but that won't work on me."

"You want to test me?" I shout back.

"This is just getting sad now. Like I said, you can't intimidate me. You might be able to bully new recruits and your precious Angelina to suit your whims, but you can't bully me."

"What did you just say?"

"If anything, you should be intimidated by me!" It stated this with a menacing expression.

"Like Hell!" I materialize my scythe and destroy the mirror to bits. I watch as all the pieces scatter onto the floor with a sense of satisfaction. Almost instantaneously, however, each shard materializes into a completely new full mirror. They are now completely surrounding me; one of "it" in each mirror. That mocking laughter is now multiplied and surrounding me on all sides. I do a rotating move with my death scythe only to land up with even more mirrors surrounding me.

"Oh look. You did something without thinking. How unusual," said the innumerable number of voices in sickeningly unison. I just stand there starting to shake and sweat. I feel so many eyes on me, and I feel so exposed. The mocking laughter just continues. I keep my gaze down. I don't want to make eye contact with any of these "things". It's so dark. They're the only source of any light.

Then there's a noise that catches my attention. I look up to see all the mirrors I'm surrounded by merging together right in front of me, except this mirror is as big as a building. I couldn't ignore it.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd love to be surrounded by mirrors or to have a giant one in front of you?" I say nothing. I feel like something so small staring up at a greater being.

It starts tapping the side of its face with its finger; a mannerism that I've done many times. It seemed to be in thought.

"Hm. You know. There's something that I've been wondering for quite a while now. Not so long ago when you decided to interfere with the natural order of life and death while committing moral atrocities including betraying and killing your own partner in crime, why didn't you just leave?"

My eyes widened from the question.

"I know trying to get away is a bit of a hassle, but think about it. Why would someone who did all that; who clearly cares so little for the rules choose to stay and literally serve in such a structured society? Why not even make an attempt to leave? You already had one foot out the door if you ask me. You did say something along the lines of 'I'd do so much more if only they'd let me', didn't you?"

I feel my fists tighten and begin to shake with anger and some other emotions I am unsure of how to place. Suddenly it put a finger up in the air as when one comes to a realization.

"Oh I think I know."

"You think you know me so well?" I scream. I launch myself forward and punch the glass as hard as I can. Instead of shattering this time, it just dissolves into dust. I'm taking heavy breaths as I watch the dust collect at my feat. However the dust then condenses to a liquid puddle in front of me. Out from that liquid materializes "it." My mocking reflection is no longer a reflection. It's standing right in front of me; just as real as I am.

"Lashing out in violence again?" it said in an exasperated yet condescending tone. "You never do learn, do you? Anyway like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. I think I know why you still stayed despite what you were doing. You're nothing but I massive liar, you know."

It pointed at me as it said this, and I took as step back from the gesture.

"Sure you talk a big game and all, but look how you reacted to that demon you're always lusting after almost killing you."

"Shut Up!" I scream. I can hear the desperate and scared sound mixed with my anger. I throw a punch now that my so called reflection is on my plain of being, but it catches my fist and pushes me back like nothing. I hear myself give some sort of scared whimper.

"After how tough you acted and after everything you did, you laid there begging and pleading for your life. How pathetic." I feel my entire body beginning to tremble.

"In reality you know you deserved everything you got and then some. In fact, you know you deserved worse. You know you deserved to die!"

"SHUT UP!" I shout in a frantic, higher pitched scream. My entire body is shaking even more violently now.

"You're such a liar because you make like you don't care, but you really do. You didn't desert because deep down, despite everything you've done and despite everything you still do, you still hold onto to the notion that you could still be forgiven. You crave it. It's what keeps you going. You of all people when you know very well you have a lot worse things on your conscience than most; from your reaper and human life alike!"

I crouch down into a squat position with my arms around my knees. I feel so exposed and vulnerable and small; like a child. I start to rock a bit.

"You prance around flirting with your obnoxious, boisterous demeanor, doing whatever you please and making like you don't care, but you can't fool me. I know you're a liar, among other things. You lie to everyone, but most importantly, you lie to yourself every day."

I don't even bother trying to shut it up or even to interact with it anymore. I'm too tired. I just let it go.

"So how do all those repressed emotions feel right about now? I know you're feeling them in this moment, and I also know you've lost track of how long it's been since you've had the full range of emotions. After all, how else would you have been able to do all the things you're done without being a complete nervous wreck every day? I'm sure you're well aware there's something wrong with you in that regard. Tell me, what are you feeling right now? What are you feeling that you haven't in so long?"

At this point I just drop to my knees. I feel so drained. There are all these emotions swirling inside of me that I haven't felt in so long.

"I'd say guilt, shame, sadness, and self-hatred. That's how it works with someone who acts like you. Your behavior is nothing more than a cover to shield how you really feel. You act like that because you hate yourself. It's all nothing but a lie. I huge lie. You murderer."

I can feel my coat; her coat getting wet in the previously torn areas. I can feel the blood on me in the areas she was injured. It's not long before I can feel myself kneeling in a puddle of blood.

It's so dark, and I feel so cold. I almost feel like I might start to cry. When's the last time I cried? I'd have to think on it.

"Please stop." I barely recognize my own voice. It's so quiet and weak.

"No because you have to accept the truth!" It points at me as it says this. You liar. Liar Liar Liar Liar. Liar. LIAR!

I gasp and sit up with a jolt. My hands are grasping my blankets tightly. I'm breathing heavily and am in a shaky cold sweat.

A few deep breaths later, and I can already feel myself calming down. It was just a stupid dream. That's all. One glance at my alarm clock and I could see that it was going to go off literally in one minute. Ronald was going to be meeting me soon for our joint collection. I get up immediately and start getting ready. Best to focus on reality after all.

I didn't have trouble keeping it out of my mind because I'm used to doing that sort of thing. It wasn't long before the entire event started creeping back into my thoughts, though.

Just what was that? Dreams can come from what's on your mind, but they usually don't delve that far into issues; especially not that long and detailed. That's literally the kind of dream that only happens in stories.

I guess everyone's different, though. I mean I dream about some of my issues from time to time, but this was on a completely different level. I am operating on a longer lifespan due to what I am now, so maybe that's a part of it. Plus I do honestly keep major things repressed. The combination of the two could have lead to something this extreme happening. It's not like I'm the only one walking around here with major issues, though, but leave it to me to have such an over dramatic dream. I guess I always have to have a captivating performance going on even in my brain. I let out a small chuckle despite the tenseness I was feeling.

I was just about ready to leave when I caught my eyes in the mirror. I just stared at myself with this tired, vacant look. When is the last time I genuinely cried? Am I still capable? My emotions have been muted for so long. Because of that dream, I was able to feel things that I haven't felt in a very long time. It's all gone now though, save for the lingering feeling of uneasiness. What kind of a person am I?

I look down then I look at myself in the mirror again; only seeing my own accurate image. My face suddenly contorted into rage, and I punched the mirror in. I just couldn't take looking anymore. There was the sting from the glass, but that didn't bother me. Once I took a few heavy breaths and calmed down, I started to feel the pain a bit more. I looked down to see my hand all cut up. I'd be fine. It'd be healed in a short while. I just didn't want to get mesmerized with the blood and risk being late. The door slamming open jolted me from my thoughts.

"Mr. Sutcliff!"

"What?" I growled. I turned to see Ronald there breathing heavily, but jumping back with a scared expression when I yelled. That's right. He mentioned about meeting me at my door if he was done earlier. He was likely outside my door for a little while already. I probably didn't notice due to being lost in my thoughts. When he heard all the commotion, the brat probably picked the lock. I've seen him do that kind of thing on a few occasions.

He was starting to cower from me a bit. He is a tad afraid of me. I smirked a bit despite the situation. I found I enjoyed that. Keeping him a little afraid has its benefits.

However keeping that going long right now will only delay things, so I softened my visage to a much calmer expression, knowing it would put him more at ease. As I predicted, it worked, and after a few seconds he started to speak, albeit with a bit of a nervous stutter.

"I… I… I… was knocking on your door and calling to you, and you weren't responding. I was starting to get concerned, and then I heard a crash and got even more concerned, so I decided to pick the lock. "I…I'm sorry. Everything okaaaaay?" His voice trailed off as his eyes went to the broken mirror and my bloodied hand. He just stared at the scene for a while, not saying anything.

I didn't want to keep this spectacle going on for long, so in the calmest, most professional manner possible I said "Oh everything's fine. It's very early, and I just had a minor mishap." My sudden change in demeanor, which I was oh so good at pulling off seemed to calm him down a bit. Whether he would believe it was as casual of an incident as I was trying to represent it as is another matter. It's not like it mattered to me. I know he didn't have the nerve to question or confront me about it directly; his own conclusions weren't that relevant to me.

I asked him for a minute to wash my hands, which he replied with a nod and a quiet "okay". As predicted, once the blood was off I was able to see that the cuts were mostly healed. Perks of being a grim reaper.

After that I dried my hands off with a towel that I then threw on the counter and we left. I could worry about the mess later. We had our usual casual conversations as we walked through the dispatch, including who were some available flirting options for the both of us. The conversation then went to the specifics of our assignment. Then we were off; just another day's work like nothing happened.

Notes:

Analyzing Grell on a psychological level is oh so much fun.

I haven't written a fic for this series in quite a while. I might try to come back into it again sometime soon.

I included Ronald in the character tags because he does show up, even if it is just at the end. Hopefully they'll be in order of prominence because that doesn't happen enough. If you've ever looked at my notes for some of my other fics, you know that I get fixated on character tags.


End file.
